1 min read
At a funeral for a man who never told anyone he was unhappy, the surviving friends sat around a table and talked about computer games. That detail — precise and painful — is where this essay begins, and it sets up everything that follows. Writer Rajeev Balasubramanyam watched the grief in the room get buried under distraction and decided something had to change. He called three old friends scattered across Vancouver, London, Brussels, and Berlin, and he proposed the thing none of them had ever done: a men’s circle. The rules were simple — take turns speaking while others listen and no advice-giving. That last rule proved harder than it sounds; as he notes, dispensing solutions is simply “the way that we, as men, were used to talking.” What emerged instead was something quieter and more rare: the feeling of being held. Over a year of online circles, a father died, a cancer survivor admitted he wasn’t as fine as he’d thought, and a man in grief finally had space to feel it.
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